Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,

It's been like 6 months since I've been on here.
Buttttt I'm back now(:

I need to get back on track with things. For real.
I'm at like 140lbs. Wholy shit whale!

So anyway, I've been going to the gym everydayy<3
And eating somewhat okay. But I need to get back to my calorie counting and fasting.
I wanna feel hungry again and be weak from no food.
As crazy as that sounds I suppose.
Idc.


Today I went to the gym for about an hour.
I was gonna do some yoga before hand, but it was so boring. So I stopped.
I had watermelon for breakfast, and a lettuce sandwich (lettuce wrapped in turkey, my fave) and watermelon for lunch.
Thenn like a fat ass I went to walmart and ate some roll things AND like a handful of chips.
I wanted to puke but I didn't.

No more eating today for me(:
I go to MIAMI in two months with the boyfriend, so I need a Miami body, bad!

Today's been such a good day.
I'm gonna go on another bike ride later tonight.
I'm obsessed now, haha.

I thought I was at 140, but I just weighed myself, and I'm at 135. I was like..wow.
Still a fatass though. I neeeed to lose weight fast, in order to wear what my boyfriend bought me. I can't be sexy and fat at the same time. Ugh.

I'm off to do something productive.



I'm fasting. For as long as I can.
(:

I have this thought alot, but not too long ago it was just like WHOA! Like, it just kind of clicked in my head today.
Alright. I was thinking about how people say like, be who you want to be, and like, nothing's impossible. And shit like that. And like, they're completely right. Like, if I WANT to be something, I CAN. It'll just take a shit load of will power and hard work, but it would be completely worth it in the end right? Yes!! 
Cause, I was thinking about how much I've changed this summer. Like, when summer first started, I just waited for other people to do things for me. Like, I was waiting for my mom to bring up subjects like birth control and license and stuff. I was waiting for her to initiate me getting them. And I just kept thinking about how I wanted them, so  when I was thinking about how if you want something, you have to go for it and do it because you can, I made the plans to get them. Now I have them both, and it's because I stepped up and did it. Haha, this sounds lame. But like, yeah. And then I was shopping online, and I was looking at these shirts labeled "sexy shirts". I just kept thinking about how I wanted to look good in them. AND I CAN. If I just work for it. Food is only good for a moment, but after you have nothing left except the feeling of failure. And exercising kinda sucks while you're doing it, but after you have the best feeling, and it lasts. So I need to switch those around, like instead of feeding myself like a fat bitch, I should exercise alot more. I'm 10 pounds away from my goal weight. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!


Haha, this post is probably really lame, and it probably won't make sense to anyone, cause I kinda just thought and wrote. But, it makes sense to me and that's all I really care about.


:D

"Be true to yourself, because in the end that's all you have."

Come on get it before I change my mind
Come on kid don't waste my time
So rich, so pretty
The best peice of ass in this whole damn city.

(:

I love Mickey Avalon.


I'm getting this shirt, the black one.
Well, maybe both. Ahaha. Idk.

But I'm SO EXCITED! Haha, you have no idea. (:

( Gettin nude and rude in your bed. )

Haha, contradicting my last post.

I have the best boyfriend in the world.
He really makes everything better.

So I'm mad at my boyfriend for ditching me yesterday and for not calling for 2 days, so I'm jamming my week full of stuff, so I have no time for him. Because I'm obviously a bad girlfriend. Haha.

Sunday: Work for like 2 hours. Possible volunteering at the Animal Hospital. If not, then Idk. Then, hanging with Amy. [Fasting]
Monday: More volunteering, DMV for license! (:, work for 3 hours, go pick up my car, home to read. [Fasting]
Teusday: Possibly going to work with Dad and Tommi,  Work for 3 hours. [Possibly fasting, if not, breakfast or dinner only, under 500 cal]
Wednesday: Cleaning day at home, Brandon's coming over, Church health benefit dinner with Tommi. [Under 500 cal]
Thurday: Work for 4 hours, Shopping with mom. [Under 500 cal]
Friday: Out with mom and Tommi for the day, Senior pictures, Out to Cass for a phsychic reading with Tommi. [Fasting]

And then I guess I'll see him on Saturday.

I'm so mean.

 I wish my ass and legs were this great.


But no. I'm stuck with my fat ass self.

 
And this is possibly my favorite picture ever. (:

 I just found out I could do this.

Ahhahaha. Why am I so lame?

Anywayy. I did well today. Or, yesterday. Since it's now 1:07 AM. I did some pilates. So I'm good. (:

Hoooopefully going to Cameron's tomorrow.<3



I just want EVERYONE to know, that if you meet someone named Brandon Huber, stay away from him. He's a complete D Bag.

:)


I'm bored.

:)

Zero cals today.
I'm pretty happy with myself right now. Since Cameron couldn't hang out, I stayed home and cleaned the cars, went for a little run, and haha, danced around the house a bit cause my parents left, so turned up the music and acted like an idiot. (:
I just got out of the shower, now I'm gonna clean my room.

My parents are on their way home. Now, if I can get past dinner time than I'll be set. I'll just say that I'm not hungry, and that I had something while they were gone.

I'm not gonna weigh myself until Monday night. (:

Gonna do some pilates tonight. <3


Things I need to do before July ends:
1. Get a new and better job.
2. Get my new phone.
3. Start to study for the ACT.
4. Sign up for the SAT.
5. Get lisence. I've been procrastinating.
6. Lose 10 pounds.
7. Senior pictures.
8. Class ring.

Sounds doable.

:D

Wtfwtfwtfwtfwtwfwtfwtfwtwftwftwftwftwftwftwfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf?!?!
Whyyyy am I SUCH a fatasss?

Okay. I figured I could eat normally. GUESS HOW MUCH I WEIGH NOW?!
A huge fucking 129.2 pounds! I'm really disapointed in myself right now. I planned on fasting today. Yeah, I didn't. I was fin until Dinner rolled around. Fuck.

I AM fasting until Monday. I'll be at Cameron's tomorrow, it's easy for me not to eat at his house. I'll go for a run before that too.

H: 5'5
CW: Fucking 129.2
GW1: 120
GW2: 115
FGW: 105

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommys out there. :)

I exercised so much today. More than I have in a really long time. Now, like, I can hardly walk, my legs are shaking so much.

Awe, I love Kimora Lee Simons. Hah, I'm watching her shor right now. :)

Anyway. I think I'm going to fast until Wednesday.
Well, I'm gonna try anyway.

:D

Because I'm waiting for my mom to get off the phone so we can leave, and because I find it interesting when other people do this. :)

1. I can't stand sea food.
2. I like nerdy guys with big noses, for some odd reason.
3. I want to be a psychologist.
4. I wish I was more blunt about things, because I usually keep my feelings inside.
5. I'm a complete gorehound.
6. I have an obsession with cute underwear and socks.
7. I'll probably make an awkward situation more awkward.
8. I hate thinking or talking about negative things, my mom says that's not always good.
9. I'd chose hanging out with my parents, my aunt or my boyfriend over anyone else.
10. I get jealous really easily, but I'd never say it outloud.

Haha. Yeah. That actually took me awhile to think of.

So it's been like, 2 months or something since I've been on here. :(
And a lot has happened since then.
All good too. :)

I've surprisingly stayed on track, my uncle yesterday even told me I lost weight. :D
I'm down to 5'5 and 105lbs.
I was skipping school, getting trashed, and hanging out with all the wrong people for a while, but I stopped, cut out the bad, and brought in the good. So now I'm sticking with people who I know are really my friends, focusing on my future, and I've got my 3.5 gpa back. :)
And of course, all this stuff has brought me to the most amazing boy I could ever meet. <3
Muhh boyfrann, Cameron.

I'm determined to stay on the right track, and to be everything I ever wanted to be.
I'm just going to add livejournal back in. I missed it. And all my lovely girls. <3

Second day of fasting. :)
Going strong. And hopefully I can go strong until Friday.

I want to get down to 100lbs by Donnie's party. Which is on the 2nd.
6lbs to go. I think I can do it.


Anyway, I'm super awake right now. And I think I'm going to clean, and then paint my nails. And then, idk, maybe I'll be tired?

I was so extremely tempted by some chicken today. That's like, my absolute favorite food. And I was making it for the kids. I babysit two kids, a 4 year old and a 2 year old, everyday after school. And I always make them food, and it always makes me want to eat it. Either that, or it makes me want to puke. Hah.


Anyway, I'm off to clean.

Daily thinspo?

was awesome.

:D

So I tried on some old clothes that used to be too small, and they fit perfectly.
I'm so excited! I'm going to fast for 5 days. :)
I'm extremely motivated.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with Kate Moss. Hah.



And I love this picture! :)

Okay, my best friend complains all the time about how she thinks she's fat.
She's on of those really short girls who only gain weight in their stomachs. She has some chub but not a lot.
Anyway, so she's always complaining about it but she never does anything to help, and it just drives me insane. Because here I am, freaking out about eating like an apple or something and she's stuffing her face with cake.

I know it's awful, but I just want to be like, "You're going to puke after that, right?" or like, "I hope you plan on spending an hour at the gym now.."

Omg, I'm like the worst person ever, but that's how I feel. I think it's just because how bad I feel about my own body.
A lot of people are like that, and they're just too damn lazy to do anything about it.

It just drives me crazy.

Like, when you see the really fat women at restaraunts, and they buy the whole friggin menu. Oh lord.
Okay, had to get that off my chest.

:D

Fasting again!
Haven't eaten today.
And I'm not eating dinner, so woo!

I was going to go for a run, but my mom said that it was going to rain. That was an hour ago, and it still hasn't rained. Ha.
But I'm in a really good mood right now, so I don't really care.
I was thinking about like, getting up a little earlier in the morning and going for a run then, that way I'll like, be pumped for the day or something. Ha. :)

But, I'm probably going to be up late again tonight, seeing as how my last two finals are tomorrow. I probably should be studying right now. Ohhhhh well! :D

I reeeaaaally like this picture!

Third fasting day.
Ended it because my mom said I had to eat some sort of dinner. So I made it small.

But it's okay.
Starting another fast tomorrow. I've been doing really well. It seems like I can just do it. Ha, like Nike. But seriously.

It's 10:52 PM here, and I'm going to be up most of the night studying. I have finals.
Do you burn more calories staying up all night or sleeping? Hm.

I'll probably post later.


:D